This morning something kind of funny happened with my eight-year-old son, but it got me thinking about something I have often observed. So I am here today (tonight - it's past ten pm!) to let you all off the hook. If you want something, go for it! You don't have to answer to anyone. Let me explain:
When I woke First Son up this morning and asked him what he wanted for breakfast, he said he had to call his Auntie Miki first. I knew where this was going, but I played along...
"Why would you need to call her?"
"Well I just have to talk to her."
"About what?"
"About going over to their house."
"Their house? We have work and school today!"
"But I have to send her a text to answer her."
"Why? did she send us a text?"
"Ummm... maybe it was just something I dreamt."
If any of you are wondering what this was all about, I got a new phone yesterday when I renewed my cell phone contract. It's an android that replaces my four-year-OLD flip phone. The moment he saw it, First Son asked if he could play games on it. I said no, I had no intention of putting any games on it. I wanted to save the batteries for phone calls. Later, just before going to bed, he came up to me and said that he had just remembered that he had to do a really long division for school the next day. Something like... "Ummm... two hundred million thousand divided by eight million three hundred forty-seven thousand." lmao He wanted to use my calculator, that is to say, he wanted to get my hands on the new phone! :p
Well, I thought it was so adorable the way he squirmed. He couldn't just come out and say, "Can I see your phone, Maman?" I would have just handed it to him! But no, he had to beat around the bush.
During pretty much the whole rest of the day - during a two-hour online training I was taking, during laundry and a Doctor Who episode, while driving around doing errands and then spending the evening with the children - I kept remembering different times when people felt that they had to justify themselves. Like when I was visiting Hungary at the age of 15 (waaaay back when!) and we visited the home of a woman who had just gotten a microwave oven. My uncle commented on it and immediately she started what seemed like a well-rehearsed explanation of why she had needed to buy it: How it warmed the coffee so much quicker when she had to get up really early, how it softened old bread so that it was warm and pleasant to eat, and especially how hard it had been for her to scrub all her pots and pans when her children had warmed things up on the gas stove and burnt things to the bottom of her cookware. It was like she had to justify her purchase whereas for me having a microwave oven was the norm. No explanation needed.
Another example I recall is that of a friend of mine who had her first child a few years after I did. Now, granted, I am a minimalist, but there were some things I would have liked to have for our first baby that we just couldn't afford. When I visited this friend of mine and she showed me the nursery, I said, "Oooh! You have a Diaper Genie!" Although we never had one, I started seeing the benefits it could offer when our smelly diapers piled up in the trash. But my friend misunderstood me and immediately started justifying its being there. She went on about how she knew it was expensive and created waste and it cost a lot to buy the refill bags, but her husband had complained about the diaper smell and so she had to buy one. Really, she didn't have any explaining to do to me. I would have easily accepted it if her reply had been, "Yes, I have one and I absolutely love it!"
I think that people are so well-informed nowadays that they are very aware of all the poverty in the world. The media brings it right to our door, and living excessive lives seems definitely to be out. So people want to seem in by supporting good causes, donating to charity, and living as if they were ashamed of what they can afford. When we actually enter their homes and see the big screen TV and the home theater system in the living room, the stainless steel appliances in the kitchen, the treadmill in the basement, the SUV in the garage, the Diaper Genie in the nursery! ;o) and the sprinkler system running at maximum capacity in the yard, the jig is up and people feel they have to explain.
The way I see it, if people work hard for the money they earn (or if they are lucky enough to have been born into it), there is no shame in permitting themselves some luxuries (or basic necessities that the neighbors might not have yet, but that a teenager visiting from America wouldn't bat an eye at.) I believe that a healthy life is a balanced life. I would hope that those who can give do so, but there is no law that says you have to give it all away. By all means, help your fellow man, but you are allowed to spoil yourself too, once in a while. When I was working full-time (before I got sick), I allowed myself a few little luxuries, especially when I first left my husband. I bought an expensive shelf for my kids to keep their LEGO and construction toys on. I bought a big TV cabinet with doors to hide the TV behind and three drawers below for cassettes, DVDs and CDs. And especially, I splurged on a big Queen bed in case a thunderstorm sent my three kids under my blankets to hide. I didn't want to be kicked and elbowed all night. I didn't feel the need to justify the purchase. In fact, if the alcove I sleep in were a tiny bit bigger, I would have bought a King. The truth is, a King wouldn't fit. The truth IS, First son just wanted to see my phone. :o)
If you want something, be direct about it. Get it for yourself if you can. You're allowed. Giving to yourself if part of a healthy lifestyle. You are a human being and you deserve it.
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