Yesterday while driving around doing errands, I was pretty excited about this blog. It occurred to me that it could be a good platform to do some good in the world. I consider myself a generous person, and lately I have been frustrated not to be able to help in certain circumstances, as I have no money, no time, no energy. Rosy little post this is turning out to be... So, getting back on track: today I want to share an eye-opening experience that has hopefully made me a better person and parent. Perhaps someone else could also profit from my mistakes.
First Son, my eight year-old, has been having trouble at school. He has brought home two reprimands in the last two weeks. Not good. This past Monday, the note said that he didn't listen and that he talked back. As we talked about what happened, he explained: they were in line and the gym teacher's rule is no talking. First Son's friend in front of him, J., was talking to him, and he apparently asked him not to do so. (I am taking First Son's word on this. I could see it being the case.) So, as he is asking J. not to talk to him, the gym teacher reminds him, "Hey, no talking," to which First Son replies, "I know." As he is relating this to me, the "I know" comes out quite sarcastically, accompanied by a rolling of the eyes. Mystery solved. Not as in, that's why he got the reprimand, but as in, "Ooops! This is the kind of model I am!"
I will be the first to admit that I have been feeling very tense lately and I have a very short fuse. Add to that three kids who, at the end of the day, are unable to get up from the supper table to get their own milk, and sarcasm rears its ugly head. This is exactly what happened with First Son. At supper last week, I heard the words, "Mom, milk." I didn't reply as I was extremely insulted by the request and the way in which it was made. Not getting the message, First son repeated his request, and when he still got no reaction, he said, "Mom, I would like some milk," to which I replied, "Really? Me too." *insert rolleyes here* I then calmly explained to him that I was not a dog who was going to fetch him things, and that I was as tired as he was, could he please get his own milk, or at least ask nicely? But the damage was done.
When First Son was telling me about why he got the reprimand, I could see myself mirrored in the way he was talking. So I pulled out my humility card and apologized to him for being so sarcastic with him lately, and we had a talk about how he had spoken to his gym teacher. Having gotten some things clear, I still would not let him off the hook for the consequence to his actions at school. Even though I feel partly responsible, ultimately First Son must understand that he should be respectful to someone when talking to them. So he did get punished. Nobody said life was fair.
The moral of this story is that we really do have to watch how we act with and around our children. I think I have cleared things up with First Son, but I still wonder how deeply this sarcasm is embedded in his personality now. And can I keep to my promise not to be so cross and sarcastic? I really hope so! I mean, nothing has changed in my situation and I am as tired and grumpy as ever, but now that I am (painfully) aware of the consequences of my own behavior, hopefully I can keep an eye on myself. We'll see...
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