The children have been asking me to go bowling for some time. Today, I finally took them to the bowling alley. I was looking forward to it because... well, because they were! :o) I thought this would be a fun family activity. Well, it kind of was, but we really had to work at it.
I think the thing to remember when we plan a fun activity that everyone can enjoy is that if the kids are looking forward to it, they probably have visions of glory in their heads already. Those thought bubbles tend to pop with the first gutter ball.
Let me start by saying that paying forty dollars for shoe rentals and two games seemed really expensive to me. I had to put it on credit and I admit I felt a cold shudder when paying, as if my credit card company were standing right behind me with shiny eyes like Count Olaf, rubbing his greedy hands together at the thought of all the interest I will have to pay. But the kids were happy, so I shrugged the feeling off.
As soon as we put our bowling shoes on, the lane was ready for practice. The boys spun their balls down the lane, not even waiting for the machine to reset the pins. They had some small successes and many gutter balls, but they never even saw this because as soon as the ball left their hands they spun around to grab another one, not even checking to see what they may have knocked down.
Next, the fun began.
We played in order, from youngest to oldest. Second Son was doing pretty well. He would stand at the end of the lane with his feet set wide apart and, holding the ball with both hands, he bent over, swung the ball between his legs and released it as it came back toward the pins. After the release, he would more often than not find himself spread-eagle on his stomach, watching from ground level as his ball veered dangerously close to the gutter, but luckily managed to stay in the lane and knock down two or three pins as a result.
First Son, who had gone bowling during Spring Break with his day camp, was full of confidence, advice for his little brother, stories about how he had been the best bowler in his whole camp, but pretty much threw one gutter ball after the other. The bragging didn't last long. He started throwing his ball any old way and stomping back to his chair in an angry huff. No fun. For any of us.
Daughter was having an average game, although she also mentioned that last time, when she had gone bowling with her class, she had bowled much better than this. She's a big girl, though, so she tackled each turn as it came, trying to improve her score. I did pretty well once I got into it. I even got a couple of strikes. But first Son wasn't enjoying himself. What's more, he was dampening everyone else's mood. Something had to be done.
Since my score was pretty high, I asked First Son if he wanted to play for me when it was my turn. I figured it would be better to let him have a bad throw and see that it didn't upset me than for me to throw gutter balls intentionally. Then, when it was his turn, and he got a gutter ball again, I offered to roll his second ball. Pretty soon, everyone was playing for everyone else, and forgetting about the score. When someone got a gutter ball, I reassured them that the first game was just for practice. They would surely do better in the second.
By the time the second game rolled around, the kids were in a good mood and thankfully enjoyed bowling. Then they asked if they could try with the big balls. (We had been playing 10-pin with the smaller ones.) Unfortunately, the woman at the counter said that Second Son was too small, she wouldn't let him play. That was a disappointment for him, and also for the other two, who I wouldn't let play without him.
There were also pool tables at the bowling alley, so we decided to play a game of pool instead. The boys were very enthusiastic because they like to play pool on a small recreational table at after-school care and they also have a small table-top pool table at home. These tables were full size, that is to say HUGE. Well, it didn't take long for the boys to realize that playing on a table this size was more difficult. Suddenly, the bad moods returned. They were angry when they missed a ball, wanted to try again, argued, complained and basically took the fun out of the game. Not to mention that I was pretty ashamed of my young'uns because of their behavior. Daughter was pretty good at pool, but she decided to stop playing to leave more balls on the table for the boys, who didn't even appreciate it. They complained that the cues were too heavy, the table too high, etc. etc. So when we finished the game, we didn't pay for a second one, but came home instead.
In the car, I was thinking, "Never again." I was hung up on the money it had cost, which I regretted spending since the boys didn't enjoy themselves as much as they should have. I was also thinking, "When did they grow to be such sore sports?" It didn't use to matter what the result was, we had fun whatever we played. Baseball could have been frustrating when they couldn't hit the ball, but it wasn't. We just laughed about it and encouraged each other to keep trying. Basketball could have been no fun because the nets were too high for the boys, but it wasn't. We just celebrated all the more when one of us miraculously got a basket on a lucky shot. So what gives with bowling?
The only other activity that I have to tell the boys to stop because they aren't enjoying it is computer games. If they don't win those games, they start hitting the keys and the mouse harder and harder, grumbling at the computer and eventually shouting, at which time I have to step in because they obviously aren't having fun. That, of course, makes me the bad guy. I don't know if it is the computer games that have gotten the boys into this habit of totally not enjoying themselves when they are not winning, or if it's something else in their environment. Perhaps it's genetics? I used to think of myself as a patient person, but I have to admit that as the children started school and learned bad words and bad behavior, even I have a shorter fuse when they start to misbehave.
I don't know what is at the root of the problem, but I am disappointed about this afternoon's outing. If the kids ever ask me to go bowling again, I hope that I remember what happened today. That doesn't mean that I will flat out refuse to take them, but it would be nice to think of discussing good sportsmanship and the fact that the main idea is to have FUN, and this discussion has to take place before we get to the bowling alley, not during our first game. If I can remember to bring this up with the kids, and if we end up having a better time next time, then at least I can say that something good has come out of what happened today. There is something to be said for the Live And Learn concept. I am going to try to be like Anne Shirley, and never make the same mistake twice.
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