Back To Reality (Homework Wars)

First Son is in grade two, and he hates homework. I don't want to generalize and say that it is because he is a boy, but he certainly is less accepting of it that Daughter, who gets it all done very independently, and who has always been good at getting it done, ever since grade one.

First Son doesn't think it's fair that he has to do homework while Second Son, who is in kindergarten, gets to play. So getting him to do his homework and lessons has become a nightly battle - The Homework Wars.

First Son has any number of excuses or ploys to get out of doing homework. He forgets his agenda at school, where he has written down what needs to be done. He forgets his binder at school, the one that has all the homework sheets and lessons in it. He can't find a pencil. He can't find an eraser. He can't concentrate because the neighbor is playing his music too loud. He can't concentrate because he can only think about playing, like Second Son gets to do.

I do try to be understanding at first. I mean, what can I do when he doesn't have his agenda in his bag on Monday night? But as the week goes on and the pressure rises, I start to lose my patience, to which anger is a very good defense mechanism. First Son's defense is a angry offense. 

When First Son gets angry, there is no way he can do homework. He gets so mad, and then when I tell him he didn't get the right answer to the word problem in math, he starts to cry. For my part, it is really frustrating, especially because I don't know if he is truly sad or angry, or if he is just playing me to get out of doing homework.

This morning I found two sheets of paper on the living room floor, one of them badly chewed by our pet bunny, who we don't keep caged. They are obviously sheets of homework paper, and I got very angry at First Son for not taking better care of his school things. How is he supposed to hand this in now?

Finding it strange that I have yet to receive a single note about First Son's homework assignments, I wrote his teacher an email. I mentioned that I was wondering why she hadn't sent any notes home, since First Son still has homework assignments from EASTER(!!!) unfinished in his desk in his room. He obviously doesn't hand his homework in on time, and he doesn't do his lessons either, since he is not well-practiced enough in his multiplications, which again causes a problem with the homework.

I also mentioned in my email that First Son has been playing the victim of late, saying how everyone at school is against him and how no one wants to play with him at recess.

I was very surprised when the teacher responded to my email within less than an hour to say that everything was fine at school. First Son is happy, well-adjusted, always smiling. (It is true that it has been some time since he brought home a written reprimand... a few weeks, I'd say.) It appears that First Son's only problem is sticking to the truth. He keeps telling me how bad things are at school, and he keeps telling the teacher that he is so tired at the end of the day that he can't do homework, so she has told him just to hand everything in whenever he can. I nearly fell out of my chair when I read that. My son is a little manipulator!

Needless to say, I replied to the teacher's email and set her straight. First Son is not tired at night. He can play, he can fight with his little brother and argue with me without even batting an eyelid. I am happy to hear that things are going well at school, but he has a little talking-to waiting for him tonight, about diligence and schoolwork, with a little lecture about honesty, while I'm at it.

Ooooooh! I am so frustrated! I had better find a way to calm down so I can talk to him without turning it into an argument. *sigh* The joys of parenting...