My Mind Is Messing With Me

A very strange morning I had today, but all's well that ends well.

Last night I had the strangest dream. I was taking an entrance exam to get into university, and one of the questions was a number line with empty spaces where I had to fill in the numbers. I kept writing the numbers so messily that they weren't recognizable so I had to erase them and that only created nasty smudges so in the end nothing was visible. I was given a blank sheet of paper and a ruler and was told to copy down the question and complete it on the new paper. The ruler was wooden and it was warped from having been soaked in water so I couldn't make a straight line. Then I had trouble copying the numbers that were already given in the question onto my paper. I was really stressed and frustrated and in the end time was up and I didn't complete the exam. Strangely, I woke up wondering if I would still be accepted based on the answers I had provided for the other questions. Weird.

I didn't have much time to dwell on the dream because it was time to get up and make lunches. Daughter and I had an appointment at 9:00 so I walked to the end of our street, where the boys go to school, then us girls took our time getting ready to leave. We arrived at the CLSC for 9:00 and the receptionist took our names. We waited in the waiting room for the social worker to come down for us. The wait was rather long. Finally, I asked the receptionist if the social worker would be coming down soon. She said she had left her a message on her phone. This is where I started getting worried. Left her a message? She hadn't picked up? Wasn't she waiting for us?

At first I thought perhaps she was late getting to work, but as over twenty minutes went by, I was getting more and more upset. I started thinking that maybe I had come on the wrong day, or at the wrong time. It's no secret that I have memory problems thanks to the medications I am taking. Did I get mixed up? Was my mind messing with me? As I sat there waiting, I was wracking my brain trying to remember if perhaps the appointment hadn't been for this afternoon. I almost convinced myself that it HAD been for the afternoon. The social worker must be out on a call... Maybe she had an emergency...

At 9:30 we decided to leave. I dropped Daughter off at school and headed home. The first thing I did was check the calendar. I hadn't made a mistake. It said, "9 am at the CLSC." A wave of relief washed over me. I had been so worried that my brain had quit on me again, but it hadn't! I didn't know why the social worker hadn't been there. Perhaps she really did have an emergency that she had to go to. She has plenty of other cases besides ours, and I'll bet most of them aren't like ours, with a mother and daughter sharing a difficult relationship.  Some of them are surely cases of family abuse and other such terrible problems. All in all, I feel lucky. Even though our problem is very real and very hard on both of us, I have hope that we will eventually gets past it. Granted, it is very hard for us to communicate. I feel really rejected by Daughter and she feels so much anger at me for having "ripped the family apart." This is exactly what we had been hoping to work on this morning. It didn't happen, but it will.

A nice little surprise was waiting for me when I turned the computer on a little later. It doesn't quite make up for the stressful morning, but it is a bit of good news at least: I have been accepted to l'Université du Québec en Outaouais in their translation and writing program. Yaay! As I have mentioned before, I really would rather like to go to the University of Ottawa because theirs is only a two-year program, but if by any chance I don't get accepted, at least I can go to l'Université du Québec en Outaouais and still become a translator, even if it takes me three years to do it. 

The timing of this university acceptance makes me wonder about my dream last night. Either my mind is messing with me or it's a weird coincidence, don't you think?