Executive Decisions

I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a mom. I had my first child at 24 and I like to joke that I waited 23 long years to get pregnant. I always knew I wanted kids. I could see it all at a very early age. I didn't know if I would ever marry and have a husband, but I knew that I would adopt about 15 kids and live with them on a farm and I would be Supermom. :D

Childish dreams aside, I have been thinking about (and practicing) parenting for many, many years now. Along the way, I have of course gotten some rude wake-up calls and I am constantly humbled by how much I have to learn. I have always wanted to be a good mother and teach my children everything I possibly could to best prepare them for life and the real world.

One of my ideas, inspired by the Montessori Program that Daughter was enrolled in, was to have my children experience everything they can of life. Montessori called this apprentissage à la vie, life learning. Basically, the Montessori program had kids manipulate everyday objects and practice everyday activities. There were real telephones for the kids to play with, little plastic bottles and boxes with different kinds of lids that the kids had to learn to unscrew to open (to develop fine motor skills) and many other interesting toys, which took the place of the traditional LEGO and other toys you would usually see in a daycare.

Apprentissage à la vie meant that the children had a potted plant at daycare that they would clean off with a wet sponge. It meant that they prepared their own snacks, like cutting cucumber slices, done by a different child each day under the supervision of the caregiver. They gave a doll a real bath with water and a sponge, and they ran water from the tap into a pitcher and then poured from the pitcher into a cup when they were thirsty. They did the dishes.

I thought all of this was just super and I created the same kind of learning atmosphere at home. The rude awakening came when I realized that besides working full-time and changing the baby's diapers, I would eventually have to stop doing things this way with Daughter because it was a very time-consuming method and things didn't always get done. Although we were still doing pretty well when First Son was born, thanks to the fact that he napped two hours in the morning and two hours every afternoon, the life learning eventually disappeared when Second Son was born. I just couldn't juggle it all any more.

I have recently, although reluctantly, let go of another practice that I have maintained ever since the kids were born: I have decided that I won't necessarily consult them on every decision that I make regarding their activities.

As I have mentioned, it is important to me to transmit my life values to my children. One example is generosity. I try to do some volunteer work when my schedule permits, and I want the children to be aware of this so I can serve as a model to them. A big thing in transmitting one's values is communication, not only modeling the behavior, but also discussing it.

This weekend the city of Gatineau is organizing the annual Grand ménage du printemps (Spring Cleaning), where citizens pitch in to clean up our municipal parks. I have been wanting to discuss it with the children for days, so that we can sign up as a family, but we just haven't gotten around to it. Yesterday morning, I saw that it was the registration deadline, so I made an executive decision: I don't have to consult the children every time I want to plan an activity. I'm the mom, I'm the boss. (Wow! That sounds so authoritarian!) I registered us on-line to clean our neighborhood park, without consulting the kids. My way of looking at it is this: maybe they won't want to go pick up litter in the park from 9 to 12 on Saturday morning, but I have decided it will be a good experience for them. They will give to their community, and I hope that they will be proud to do it. As for me, I am relieved to have taken the decision. We are signed up, we didn't miss the deadline, it is one thing I can cross off my to-do list. I think I will try to be more proactive and take more decisions and get things done more often starting now.